Sarah Spain
ESPN * Cornell grad * Washed-up heptathlete * THE COMMISH * 2-time Suey Award winner * Unf***withable
Book Recommendations:
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“Great book! Highly recommend. At times an infuriating narrator, but a pretty unbelievable (true!) story and a fascinating look at soccer (il calcio) in Italy. Good looking out, @brendanhunting 🙌🏻 https://t.co/HkyhIf4ZMR” (from X)
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“Food critic & author @JeffGordinier tells #TWSS about compiling @esquire's "Best New Restaurants in America" list, traveling the world w/ famed Noma chef Rene Redzepi for his book "Hungry” & the unexpected side you should have on your Thanksgiving table. https://t.co/Ha2CHaM6FM https://t.co/dIKzjWFWgz” (from X)
by Jeff Gordinier·You?
A food critic chronicles four years spent traveling with René Redzepi, the renowned chef of Noma, in search of the most tantalizing flavors the world has to offer. “If you want to understand modern restaurant culture, you need to read this book.”—Ruth Reichl, author of Save Me the Plums Hungry is a book about not only the hunger for food, but for risk, for reinvention, for creative breakthroughs, and for connection. Feeling stuck in his work and home life, writer Jeff Gordinier happened into a fateful meeting with Danish chef René Redzepi, whose restaurant, Noma, has been called the best in the world. A restless perfectionist, Redzepi was at the top of his game but was looking to tear it all down, to shutter his restaurant and set out for new places, flavors, and recipes. This is the story of the subsequent four years of globe-trotting culinary adventure, with Gordinier joining Redzepi as his Sancho Panza. In the jungle of the Yucatán peninsula, Redzepi and his comrades go off-road in search of the perfect taco. In Sydney, they forage for sea rocket and sandpaper figs in suburban parks and on surf-lashed beaches. On a boat in the Arctic Circle, a lone fisherman guides them to what may or may not be his secret cache of the world’s finest sea urchins. And back in Copenhagen, the quiet canal-lined city where Redzepi started it all, he plans the resurrection of his restaurant on the unlikely site of a garbage-filled lot. Along the way, readers meet Redzepi’s merry band of friends and collaborators, including acclaimed chefs such as Danny Bowien, Kylie Kwong, Rosio Sánchez, David Chang, and Enrique Olvera. Hungry is a memoir, a travelogue, a portrait of a chef, and a chronicle of the moment when daredevil cooking became the most exciting and groundbreaking form of artistry. Praise for Hungry “In Hungry, Gordinier invokes such playful and lush prose that the scents of mole, chiles and even lingonberry juice waft off the page.”—Time “This wonderful book is really about the adventures of two men: a great chef and a great journalist. Hungry is a feast for the senses, filled with complex passion and joy, bursting with life. Not only did Jeff Gordinier make me want to jump on the next flight (to Mexico, Copenhagen, Sydney) in search of the perfect meal, but he also reminded me to stop and savor the ride.”—Dani Shapiro, author of Inheritance
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“If you haven't read the story I mentioned during this interview, you must. https://t.co/MK8wmttT9D And then go get Tim's book - https://t.co/jE1wqBBBrE https://t.co/MefxgMKf4b” (from X)
by Timothy Bella·You?
by Timothy Bella·You?
*A Good Morning America Buzz Book* *A LitHub Most Anticipated Book of 2022* The definitive biography of Charles Barkley, exploring his early childhood, his storied NBA career, and his enduring legacy as a provocative voice in American pop culture He’s one of the most interesting American athletes in the past fifty years. Passionate, candid, iconoclastic, and gifted both on and off the court, Charles Barkley has made a lasting impact on not only the world of basketball but pop culture at large. Yet few people know the real Charles. Raised by his mother and grandmother in Leeds, Alabama, he struggled in his early years to fit in until he found a sense of community and purpose in basketball. In the NBA he went toe-to-toe with the biggest legends in the game, from Magic to Michael to Hakeem to Shaq. But in the years since, he has become a bold agitator for social change, unafraid to grapple, often brashly, with even the thorniest of cultural issues facing our nation today. Informed by over 370 original interviews and painstaking research, Timothy Bella’s Barkley is the most comprehensive biography to date of one of the most talked-about icons in the world of sports.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“It’s cool as hell that you wrote a book! You’re an awesome listener & fan always supporting my content & positively interacting with the @LeBatardShow community, too, so why not return the favor and shout out your work! 👏🏻👏🏻 https://t.co/E8Xn0UGZcc https://t.co/c1If7WLVUC” (from X)
by by Craig A. Kirkendall·You?
by by Craig A. Kirkendall·You?
A pandemic is defined as "a disease that is prevalent over a whole country or the world". The ripples of the pandemic of 2019-2021+ will not be silenced during our lifetime. The damage is irreparable. The pain caused by this pandemic will not end. However, as you can rescue a person from the waves of a typhoon that may kill them in a matter of days, everyone has the opportunity to dissuade people from succumbing to their own demons. This is a work of fiction. PLEASE do not read this if you are triggered by the concept of self-harm. But if you are and if you do, please talk to me. Some of the concepts in this book were difficult to thoroughly explain.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“@DogUmwelt Very cool! Loved your book so much, btw. Would love to have you on my podcast sometime to talk about your work!” (from X)
by Alexandra Horowitz·You?
by Alexandra Horowitz·You?
From Alexandra Horowitz, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Inside of a Dog and The Year of the Puppy, an eye-opening, informative, “entertaining, and enlightening” (BookPage) celebration of the human-canine relationship for the curious dog owner and science-lover alike. We keep dogs and are kept by them. We love dogs and (we assume) we are loved by them. We buy them sweaters, toys, shoes; we are concerned with their social lives, their food, and their health. The story of humans and dogs is thousands of years old but is far from understood. In Our Dogs, Ourselves, Alexandra Horowitz explores all aspects of this unique and complex interspecies pairing. As Horowitz considers the current culture of dogdom, she reveals the odd, surprising, and contradictory ways we live with dogs. We celebrate their individuality but breed them for sameness. Despite our deep emotional relationships with dogs, legally they are property to be bought, sold, abandoned, or euthanized as we wish. Even the way we speak to our dogs is at once perplexing and delightful. In thirteen thoughtful and charming chapters, Our Dogs, Ourselves affirms our profound affection for this most charismatic of animals—and opens our eyes to the companions at our sides as never before.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“Go see Jagged Little Pill! Amazing show. Not just the nostalgia of hearing the great @Alanis songs in a new arrangement/context but an incredible book by Diablo Cody, modern story & conflicts and gorgeous performances (especially @PattenLauren, who was insanely good).” (from X)
by Alanis Morissette, Full Cast·You?
by Alanis Morissette, Full Cast·You?
The official behind-the-scenes look at the powerful Grammy-award winning musical based on Alanis Morissette's cult classic album Jagged Little Pill. Celebrating its 25-year anniversary in 2020, singer-songwriter Alanis Morissette's Grammy-Award winning album Jagged Little Pill has come to define a generation. In the "triumphant and moving" (Variety) Broadway musical of the same name, Morissette's iconic numbers -- including smash hits like "Ironic," "You Oughta Know," and "Hand in My Pocket," -- are paired with new songs by the beloved musician and a powerful original story by Academy Award-winning writer Diablo Cody (Juno). Hailed as "urgent, wildly entertaining, and wickedly funny" (The Boston Globe) and "joyful and redemptive, rousing and real" (The New York Times), the Jagged Little Pill musical is a poignant and emotionally revelatory experience that is speaking to audiences across generations. Now, for the first time, this book will take you behind the scenes with stunning photography, original in-depth interviews with the cast, crew, Alanis Morissette, and Diablo Cody, and an introduction from Morissette herself on the album's genesis and journey from release to acclaimed musical -- including details and anecdotes on her collaboration on the show. Including the full annotated libretto and a retrospective look at Alanis's artistic influences and the significance of the album within the cultural context of the 90s as well as its long-term impact on the music world as we know it, this beautifully rendered book is a must-have keepsake for anyone who has been touched by this production or Morissette's music.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“Shoutout to the amazingly badass @KendallCoyne!!! Need a great Xmas gift, btw? How about Kendall’s new book? https://t.co/XJWufWMtVe (Bonus! Buy it from this local bookstore!) ☝🏻 https://t.co/hDxQVtH6kk” (from X)
by Kendall Coyne, Estelle Laure·You?
by Kendall Coyne, Estelle Laure·You?
Dream big, follow your passion and never give up. Decorated US Olympian and accomplished hockey star Kendall Coyne shares the grit and determination it took to break down barriers and achieve her dreams against tremendous odds, encouraging you to follow your passions and never give up. The world told Kendall Coyne to slow down. They said “not so fast” when she picked up hockey skates instead of figure skates. They said “just a minute” when she tried out for the boy's team. They told her “you're not enough” so often that she started to believe it. But Kendall had a passion and a dream, so instead of slowing down, she sped up, going on to win Olympic gold and a spot in the Fastest Skater Competition at the 2019 NHL All-Star Weekend. As Fast as Her explores how Kendall held on to her dream, overcame her insecurities, defied her naysayers, and pushed herself past barriers to achieve her goals—and how you can too! Inside this inspirational, sports-meets-real-life inspirational autobiography, Kendall shares: stories that illustrate the lessons she's learned and how to apply them for success affirmations to help young people believe you are can reach your dreams encouragement to fit in, to find your “why,” and to create lasting change for others her personal trials and triumphs, inspiring you to discover what excites and exhausts you motivation to be relentless in achieving your own goals Kendall pauses throughout her story to equip you with practical take-aways from her journey to become a top athlete and Olympic medalist, appropriately dubbed “Golden Coynes.” As Fast As Her also includes behind-the-scenes and personal photos in a full-color, 8-page insert. As Fast as Her is perfect for: readers 13 and up looking for an uplifting true story fans of the NHL, Olympic hockey, women's sports, and sports in general birthday, Christmas, and holiday gifts for teens and young adults
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“Highly recommend this book by @NickGreene for you or your basketball-loving friends. It’s downright DELIGHTFUL. And I’d argue has one of the best back covers in the game. Cc @SheaSerrano @KevinOConnorNBA https://t.co/yThQlfqG87” (from X)
by Nick Greene·You?
A brilliant, entertaining deconstruction of basketball, drawing on the expertise of board-game creators, magicians, therapists, and more Basketball is the second-most popular sport in the world—an insanely complicated game built on a combination of athleticism, craftiness, rules, intangibles, and superstardom. However, while it’s enjoyable to watch, the real reason it works is because it’s a game of culture, art, and all the things that make us human. How to Watch Basketball Like a Genius deconstructs the sport from top to bottom and then puts it back together again, detailing its intricacies through reporting and dozens of interviews with experts. These experts, however, are a diverse group: wine critics weighing in on LeBron’s ability to delegate on the fly, magicians analyzing Chris Paul’s mystifying dribbling techniques, cartographers breaking down Steph Curry’s deadeye three-point shooting. Every chapter treats basketball to a multi-disciplined study that adventures far beyond the lines of the court, examining key elements of the sport from some surprising and revealing angles. There’s a reason it has conquered the world, and every game is a chance to learn about pop culture, fashion, history, science, art, and anything else that bounces our way.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“In his book “How To Argue With A Racist,” geneticist @adamrutherford reveals that the best way to fight racism is with science b/c race is a social construct, not a biological reality. A fascinating #TWSS on genealogy kits, racial “purity,” sports & more. https://t.co/0v3bIOce75 https://t.co/WbGj4GK6M6” (from X)
by Adam Rutherford·You?
by Adam Rutherford·You?
Race is not a biological reality. Racism thrives on our not knowing this. Racist pseudoscience has become so commonplace that it can be hard to spot. But its toxic effects on society are plain to see―feeding nationalism, fueling hatred, endangering lives, and corroding our discourse on everything from sports to intelligence. Even well-intentioned people repeat stereotypes based on “science,” because cutting-edge genetics are hard to grasp―and all too easy to distort. Paradoxically, these misconceptions are multiplying even as scientists make unprecedented discoveries in human genetics―findings that, when accurately understood, are powerful evidence against racism. We’ve never had clearer answers about who we are and where we come from, but this knowledge is sorely needed in our casual conversations about race. How to Argue With a Racist emphatically dismantles outdated notions of race by illuminating what modern genetics actually can and can’t tell us about human difference. We now know that the racial categories still dividing us do not align with observable genetic differences. In fact, our differences are so minute that, most of all, they serve as evidence of our shared humanity.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“@KelseyBrynn18 Thank you! And I love that book -- was literally walking around LA reading it while walking down the street and bumping into people.” (from X)
by Mark Z. Danielewski·You?
by Mark Z. Danielewski·You?
THE MIND-BENDING CULT CLASSIC ABOUT A HOUSE THAT’S LARGER ON THE INSIDE THAN ON THE OUTSIDE • A masterpiece of horror and an astonishingly immersive, maze-like reading experience that redefines the boundaries of a novel. ''Simultaneously reads like a thriller and like a strange, dreamlike excursion into the subconscious." —Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times "Thrillingly alive, sublimely creepy, distressingly scary, breathtakingly intelligent—it renders most other fiction meaningless." —Bret Easton Ellis, bestselling author of American Psycho “This demonically brilliant book is impossible to ignore.” —Jonathan Lethem, award-winning author of Motherless Brooklyn One of The Atlantic’s Great American Novels of the Past 100 Years Years ago, when House of Leaves was first being passed around, it was nothing more than a badly bundled heap of paper, parts of which would occasionally surface on the Internet. No one could have anticipated the small but devoted following this terrifying story would soon command. Starting with an odd assortment of marginalized youth—musicians, tattoo artists, programmers, strippers, environmentalists, and adrenaline junkies—the book eventually made its way into the hands of older generations, who not only found themselves in those strangely arranged pages but also discovered a way back into the lives of their estranged children. Now made available in book form, complete with the original colored words, vertical footnotes, and second and third appendices, the story remains unchanged. Similarly, the cultural fascination with House of Leaves remains as fervent and as imaginative as ever. The novel has gone on to inspire doctorate-level courses and masters theses, cultural phenomena like the online urban legend of “the backrooms,” and incredible works of art in entirely unrealted mediums from music to video games. Neither Pulitzer Prize-winning photojournalist Will Navidson nor his companion Karen Green was prepared to face the consequences of the impossibility of their new home, until the day their two little children wandered off and their voices eerily began to return another story—of creature darkness, of an ever-growing abyss behind a closet door, and of that unholy growl which soon enough would tear through their walls and consume all their dreams.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“Concussions, dopers, racist mascots, domestic abusers, evil owners, homophobia... What’s a conscientious sports fan to do? @jessicawluther & @kavithadavidson join #TWSS to talk their fantastic new book “Loving Sports When They Don't Love You Back.” https://t.co/xGpE56RFIN https://t.co/e1UIKqh2ce” (from X)
by Jessica Luther, Kavitha Davidson·You?
by Jessica Luther, Kavitha Davidson·You?
Triumphant wins, gut-wrenching losses, last-second shots, underdogs, competition, and loyalty—it’s fun to be a fan. But when a football player takes a hit to the head after yet another study has warned of the dangers of CTE, or when a team whose mascot was born in an era of racism and bigotry takes the field, or when a relief pitcher accused of domestic violence saves the game, how is one to cheer? Welcome to the club for sports fans who care too much. In Loving Sports When They Don’t Love You Back, acclaimed sports writers Jessica Luther and Kavitha A. Davidson tackle the most pressing issues in sports, why they matter, and how we can do better. For the authors, “sticking to sports” is not an option—not when our taxes are paying for the stadiums, and college athletes aren’t getting paid at all. But simply quitting a favorite team won’t change corrupt and deplorable practices, and the root causes of many of these problems are endemic in our wider society. An essential read for modern fans, Loving Sports When They Don’t Love You Back challenges the status quo and explores how we might begin to reconcile our conscience with our fandom.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
““4 years ago, married to the father of my 3 children, I fell in love with a woman.” @GlennonDoyle joins #TWSS to talk her incredible new book "Untamed," share her love story w/ @AbbyWambach & inspire us all to leave society's expectations behind. LISTEN: https://t.co/t2tsX4NA49 https://t.co/4UiyrKXNSH” (from X)
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • OVER TWO MILLION COPIES SOLD! “Packed with incredible insight about what it means to be a woman today.”—Reese Witherspoon (Reese’s Book Club Pick) In her most revealing and powerful memoir yet, the activist, speaker, bestselling author, and “patron saint of female empowerment” (People) explores the joy and peace we discover when we stop striving to meet others’ expectations and start trusting the voice deep within us. NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY O: The Oprah Magazine • The Washington Post • Cosmopolitan • Marie Claire • Bloomberg • Parade • “Untamed will liberate women—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It is phenomenal.”—Elizabeth Gilbert, author of City of Girls and Eat Pray Love This is how you find yourself. There is a voice of longing inside each woman. We strive so mightily to be good: good partners, daughters, mothers, employees, and friends. We hope all this striving will make us feel alive. Instead, it leaves us feeling weary, stuck, overwhelmed, and underwhelmed. We look at our lives and wonder: Wasn’t it all supposed to be more beautiful than this? We quickly silence that question, telling ourselves to be grateful, hiding our discontent—even from ourselves. For many years, Glennon Doyle denied her own discontent. Then, while speaking at a conference, she looked at a woman across the room and fell instantly in love. Three words flooded her mind: There She Is. At first, Glennon assumed these words came to her from on high. But she soon realized they had come to her from within. This was her own voice—the one she had buried beneath decades of numbing addictions, cultural conditioning, and institutional allegiances. This was the voice of the girl she had been before the world told her who to be. Glennon decided to quit abandoning herself and to instead abandon the world’s expectations of her. She quit being good so she could be free. She quit pleasing and started living. Soulful and uproarious, forceful and tender, Untamed is both an intimate memoir and a galvanizing wake-up call. It is the story of how one woman learned that a responsible mother is not one who slowly dies for her children, but one who shows them how to fully live. It is the story of navigating divorce, forming a new blended family, and discovering that the brokenness or wholeness of a family depends not on its structure but on each member’s ability to bring her full self to the table. And it is the story of how each of us can begin to trust ourselves enough to set boundaries, make peace with our bodies, honor our anger and heartbreak, and unleash our truest, wildest instincts so that we become women who can finally look at ourselves and say: There She Is. Untamed shows us how to be brave. As Glennon insists: The braver we are, the luckier we get.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“Jet lag got me this am & I re-read the first essay of Jia Tolentino’s book, Trick Mirror. It’s an incredibly honest & insightful look at our relationship w/ the internet. Read the book in full, but for now, the essay is here (click book image & scroll): https://t.co/62GdCHvtm7” (from X)
by Jia Tolentino·You?
by Jia Tolentino·You?
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “From The New Yorker’s beloved cultural critic comes a bold, unflinching collection of essays about self-deception, examining everything from scammer culture to reality television.”—Esquire Book Club Pick for Now Read This, from PBS NewsHour and The New York Times • “A whip-smart, challenging book.”—Zadie Smith • “Jia Tolentino could be the Joan Didion of our time.”—Vulture FINALIST FOR THE NATIONAL BOOK CRITICS CIRCLE’S JOHN LEONARD PRIZE FOR BEST FIRST BOOK • NAMED ONE OF THE TEN BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY AND HARVARD CRIMSON AND ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY The New York Times Book Review • Time • Chicago Tribune • The Washington Post • NPR • Variety • Esquire • Vox • Elle • Glamour • GQ • Good Housekeeping • The Paris Review • Paste • Town & Country • BookPage • Kirkus Reviews • BookRiot • Shelf Awareness Jia Tolentino is a peerless voice of her generation, tackling the conflicts, contradictions, and sea changes that define us and our time. Now, in this dazzling collection of nine entirely original essays, written with a rare combination of give and sharpness, wit and fearlessness, she delves into the forces that warp our vision, demonstrating an unparalleled stylistic potency and critical dexterity. Trick Mirror is an enlightening, unforgettable trip through the river of self-delusion that surges just beneath the surface of our lives. This is a book about the incentives that shape us, and about how hard it is to see ourselves clearly through a culture that revolves around the self. In each essay, Tolentino writes about a cultural prism: the rise of the nightmare social internet; the advent of scamming as the definitive millennial ethos; the literary heroine’s journey from brave to blank to bitter; the punitive dream of optimization, which insists that everything, including our bodies, should become more efficient and beautiful until we die. Gleaming with Tolentino’s sense of humor and capacity to elucidate the impossibly complex in an instant, and marked by her desire to treat the reader with profound honesty, Trick Mirror is an instant classic of the worst decade yet. FINALIST FOR THE PEN/DIAMONSTEIN-SPIELVOGEL AWARD FOR THE ART OF THE ESSAY
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“@dontduckupTHFC @CydZeigler Read the book - it’s great!” (from X)
by Ryan Holiday·You?
by Ryan Holiday·You?
Instant #1 New York Times Bestseller & Wall Street Journal Bestseller In The Obstacle Is the Way and Ego Is the Enemy, bestselling author Ryan Holiday made ancient wisdom wildly popular with a new generation of leaders in sports, politics, and technology. In his new book, Stillness Is the Key, Holiday draws on timeless Stoic and Buddhist philosophy to show why slowing down is the secret weapon for those charging ahead. All great leaders, thinkers, artists, athletes, and visionaries share one indelible quality. It enables them to conquer their tempers. To avoid distraction and discover great insights. To achieve happiness and do the right thing. Ryan Holiday calls it stillness--to be steady while the world spins around you. In this book, he outlines a path for achieving this ancient, but urgently necessary way of living. Drawing on a wide range of history's greatest thinkers, from Confucius to Seneca, Marcus Aurelius to Thich Nhat Hanh, John Stuart Mill to Nietzsche, he argues that stillness is not mere inactivity, but the doorway to self-mastery, discipline, and focus. Holiday also examines figures who exemplified the power of stillness: baseball player Sadaharu Oh, whose study of Zen made him the greatest home run hitter of all time; Winston Churchill, who in balancing his busy public life with time spent laying bricks and painting at his Chartwell estate managed to save the world from annihilation in the process; Fred Rogers, who taught generations of children to see what was invisible to the eye; Anne Frank, whose journaling and love of nature guided her through unimaginable adversity. More than ever, people are overwhelmed. They face obstacles and egos and competition. Stillness Is the Key offers a simple but inspiring antidote to the stress of 24/7 news and social media. The stillness that we all seek is the path to meaning, contentment, and excellence in a world that needs more of it than ever.
Recommended by Sarah Spain
“@darreguin1 thank you. the book is really great - powerful stuff.” (from X)
by Ryan O'Callaghan, Cyd Zeigler·You?
by Ryan O'Callaghan, Cyd Zeigler·You?
A riveting account of life as a closeted professional athlete from gay NFL player O’Callaghan, against the backdrop of depression, opioid addiction, and the threat of suicide. “[O’Callaghan’s] story is one of beautiful vulnerability, and it further shows the importance of knowing you aren’t alone.” ―Oprah Daily, recommended by Gayle King Ryan O’Callaghan’s plan was always to play football and then, when his career was over, kill himself. Growing up in a politically conservative corner of California, the not-so-subtle messages he heard as a young man from his family and from TV and film routinely equated being gay with disease and death. Letting people in on the darkest secret he kept buried inside was not an option: better death with a secret than life as a gay man. As a kid , Ryan never envisioned just how far his football career would take him. He was recruited by the University of California, Berkeley, where he spent five seasons, playing alongside his friend Aaron Rodgers. Then it was on to the NFL for stints with the almost-undefeated New England Patriots and the often-defeated Kansas City Chiefs. Bubbling under the surface of Ryan’s entire NFL career was a collision course between his secret sexuality and his hidden drug use. When the league caught him smoking pot, he turned to NFL-sanctioned prescription painkillers that quickly sent his life into a tailspin. As injuries mounted and his daily intake of opioids reached a near-lethal level, he wrote his suicide note to his parents and plotted his death. Yet someone had been watching. A member of the Chiefs organization stepped in, recognizing the signs of drug addiction. Ryan reluctantly sought psychological help, and it was there that he revealed his lifelong secret for the very first time. Nearing the twilight of his career, Ryan faced the ultimate decision: end it all, or find out if his family and football friends could ever accept a gay man in their lives.