19 Sexuality Books That Experts Use to Unlock Deeper Understanding
Recommended by Tony Robbins, Carol Queen, and Michael Shermer, these Sexuality Books offer proven insights and guidance





What if everything you thought you knew about sexuality was just the surface? Sexuality touches every corner of our lives—from personal identity to intimate relationships, culture to biology. Yet the conversation often misses the depth and nuance that experts like Tony Robbins and Carol Queen bring to the table. They emphasize that understanding sexuality requires exploring science, psychology, trauma, and culture with honesty and courage.
Among those shaping this discourse is Emily Nagoski, whose book Come As You Are breaks down female sexuality to its scientific core, unraveling myths and empowering readers to embrace their bodies and desires. Meanwhile, Michael Shermer champions The End of Gender by Dr. Debra Soh, which boldly examines gender identity through a neuroscientific lens, cutting through ideological noise with data and clarity.
While these expert-curated books provide proven frameworks, readers seeking content tailored to their specific backgrounds, experiences, and goals might consider creating a personalized Sexuality book that builds on these insights for a truly customized journey. Whether you’re delving into addiction, mindfulness, or biology, these 19 books represent the most trusted voices to guide your exploration.
Recommended by Carol Queen
Founding director, Center for Sex & Culture
“Emily Nagoski has written one of the most important books about sex any woman (or anybody else) could ever pick up, full of insights that are both fascinating and deeply useful. Synthesizing new research and theory about sexuality with old-school sex-positive information of the sort you didn’t learn in sex ed (unless, perhaps, you are a Unitarian, or Scandinavian, or lucky enough to be in Dr. Nagoski’s class), I guarantee Come As You Are will open minds and change lives.” (from Amazon)
by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.··You?
What if everything you knew about female sexuality was wrong? Emily Nagoski, a health behavior expert with a PhD from Indiana University, challenges conventional wisdom by focusing on how emotions like stress and body image shape sexual wellbeing far more than anatomy alone. You learn to understand the science behind desire, mindfulness, and pleasure through accessible explanations and updated research, including new chapters on trust and mood. This book suits anyone seeking to deepen their knowledge of sexuality beyond myths and to foster a more confident, joyful sex life. For example, it explores how the "dual control model" explains individual differences in arousal and response, making complex science relatable and practical.
Recommended by Michael Shermer
Publisher Skeptic Magazine, Chapman University Fellow
“By far the best I’ve read on this topic.” (from Amazon)
Neuroscientist Dr. Debra Soh challenges the prevailing belief that gender is purely a social construct, drawing on extensive research to untangle the complex interplay between biology and identity. You’ll gain insight into topics like gender dysphoria, the neuroscience behind transgender experiences, and the societal impact of gender-neutral parenting, with clear explanations backed by original studies and interviews. This book suits anyone seeking a science-based examination of gender beyond political rhetoric, particularly those interested in how biology informs identity. Soh’s approach encourages readers to question assumptions with evidence rather than ideology, offering a thoughtful foundation for personal views on sex and gender.
This tailored book explores the vast and intricate landscape of sexual health, identity, and relationships with a focus that matches your unique background and goals. It delves into the biological, psychological, and cultural dimensions of sexuality, offering a nuanced examination of identity formation, communication, intimacy, and wellbeing. By weaving together established knowledge and emerging perspectives, it creates a personalized pathway through complex topics, ensuring you engage deeply with the aspects most relevant to you. This approach fosters a richer understanding and supports lifelong sexual wellbeing tailored precisely to your interests and experiences.
Recommended by Jay Stringer
Psychotherapist and author
“Going Deeper is about seeing your unwanted sexual behavior as a clarion call to heal the underlying heartaches in your story. A seasoned clinician, Eddie Capparucci has learned that self-destructive behaviors are correlated to the emotional pain and trauma that continues to haunt the inner child. Rather than developing strategies and techniques to manage your behavior, you are invited to something better: to connect with and strengthen the child within you.” (from Amazon)
by Dr. Eddie Capparucci··You?
What if your struggles with sexual addiction are less about behavior and more about childhood wounds? Dr. Eddie Capparucci, a licensed professional counselor with extensive experience treating sex and pornography addiction, presents the Inner Child Recovery Process, which identifies nine distinct inner children influencing addictive behaviors. Through this approach, you’ll discover how emotional triggers from your past can manifest as compulsive sexual behaviors today. The book guides you to recognize and connect with these inner children, offering insight rather than quick fixes, making it especially valuable if you’re seeking deeper emotional understanding rather than surface-level strategies.
Recommended by Dan Allender
Professor, Seattle School of Theology
“Unwanted is, without rival, the best book on broken sexuality I have ever read. It is heartbreaking and hope-restoring, and with immense kindness, it proceeds to where most work stalls and refuses to enter. Jay’s research is groundbreaking. No one has pursued these dark waters with as much light-offering, data-bound research. Even more, Jay offers the heart of the gospel in a manner that doesn’t trivialize sin or addiction but lifts the battle up to the ambivalence we have about freedom. This book will be a classic that anchors us in brilliant research, soul honesty, and biblical reflection.” (from Amazon)
by Jay Stringer··You?
by Jay Stringer··You?
Jay Stringer’s decades of clinical and research experience led to a nuanced exploration of sexual brokenness that goes beyond surface behaviors to uncover their root causes. Drawing on extensive data from over 3,800 men and women, you’ll discover how unresolved trauma, abandonment, and relational wounds shape destructive sexual patterns. The book’s chapters on healthy boundaries, self-care, and community investment provide concrete frameworks to understand and address these issues. If you’re seeking insight into why sexual struggles persist and how to navigate a path toward healing, this book offers a thoughtful, compassionate guide grounded in both psychology and a Christian perspective.
Recommended by Timothy Keller
Founder of Redeemer Presbyterian Church
“Nancy R. Pearcey's book, Love thy Body is an important read focusing on the theological truth that our bodies are part of the image of God in us, a crucial part of 'who we are', and not a discardable container.” (from X)
by Nancy R. Pearcey··You?
by Nancy R. Pearcey··You?
The breakthrough moment came when Nancy R. Pearcey, a respected evangelical intellectual and professor, tackled the growing cultural divide over human identity and sexuality. In this book, you encounter detailed critiques of prevailing secular views on gender, sexuality, and human dignity, challenging ideas like transgenderism and the detachment of sex from biology with clarity and compassion. Pearcey guides you through complex social issues—such as abortion and hookup culture—by examining their philosophical roots and real-world consequences. This is a book for anyone seeking to understand the moral and theological questions surrounding the human body, especially if you want to engage thoughtfully with current debates about sexuality and personhood.
by TailoredRead AI·
This tailored book explores rapid, actionable steps to enhance desire and deepen emotional connection within intimate relationships. It covers a blend of psychological insights, communication techniques, and experiential practices designed to reignite passion day-by-day. The content is crafted to focus on your interests, match your background, and address your specific goals, helping you build stronger intimacy and a sustained sense of desire. Through a personalized pathway, it examines how emotional vulnerability, mindful presence, and physical expression interact to transform desire in practical, meaningful ways. This approach provides a clear, engaging journey toward revitalizing your intimate life with tailored guidance.
Recommended by Andrew Reynolds
Founder of Queer Politics at Princeton University
“It’s fabulous, amazing, brilliantly done, and so important. Julia Shaw has written the bi bible. The hidden history and public face of millions of people. Fun, moving, and skillful all at once.” (from Amazon)
by Julia Shaw··You?
What happens when criminal psychology meets the complex world of sexuality? Dr. Julia Shaw, a psychologist deeply engaged in bisexual research and queer politics, offers an unflinching exploration of bisexuality beyond common stereotypes. You’ll discover the origins of heterosexual constructs, the nuances of the Kinsey scale, and hear stories from asylum seekers defending their identity—each chapter revealing layers often overlooked in sexuality studies. This book suits anyone curious about the cultural and scientific dimensions of bisexuality, especially those seeking to understand its invisibility and social implications.
Recommended by Berry Brazelton
Professor Emeritus, Harvard Medical School
“I recommend [IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL] to parents and children who are coming into adolescence. They will love it.” (from Amazon)
by Robie H. Harris, Michael Emberley··You?
by Robie H. Harris, Michael Emberley··You?
After decades of addressing children's health with candor, Robie H. Harris crafted this updated edition to meet the evolving needs of young people navigating puberty and identity. You gain clear, age-appropriate explanations on bodies, gender, consent, and sexual health, enriched by Michael Emberley's approachable illustrations. The book thoughtfully expands on topics like LGBTQIA identities, contraception advances, and digital safety, equipping you with language and knowledge to foster open conversations. If you're a parent, educator, or young person seeking straightforward guidance on complex subjects, this book offers a grounded, respectful perspective without sugarcoating realities.
Recommended by Peter Saddington
Chair of COSRT
“Paula’s book takes our knowledge and understanding of sexual addiction to new levels using her own developing experience and knowledge along with a grounded theoretical understanding. It seems to me the greatest value of this update on the original ground-breaking book is in the clarity of Paula’s description of the C.H.O.I.C.E. model that is instantly applicable to any therapist, irrespective of their modality.” (from Amazon)
by Paula Hall··You?
Paula Hall, a UKCP registered psychotherapist and Clinical Director of the Laurel Centre, developed this guide to address the complex realities of sex and pornography addiction through her extensive clinical experience. The book introduces the integrative C.H.O.I.C.E. Recovery Model, blending CBT, ACT, and psychodynamic approaches, and offers updated material on emerging issues like ChemSex and internet offending. You’ll gain a nuanced understanding of compulsive sexual behaviors and practical tools to support recovery, whether you’re a clinician or someone affected by addiction. Its straightforward style and clear explanations make it accessible, though its depth suits those ready to engage seriously with these challenges.
Recommended by Jennifer Gunter
OB/GYN, author, NYT contributor
“Such a great book!! *insert witty comment about gynecologist endorsing book on the penis*” (from X)
by Emily Willingham··You?
by Emily Willingham··You?
Drawing from her background in biology and urology, Emily Willingham challenges the common myth that the penis symbolizes dominance and power. Instead, she takes you through an intriguing exploration of animal penises and mating behaviors, revealing how nature shaped these organs more for intimacy than intimidation. You’ll find instructive illustrations and surprising tales, like bedbug mating rituals, that highlight human impulse control and sexual behavior. This book suits anyone curious about sexuality from a biological and cultural perspective, especially those interested in debunking toxic masculinity myths.
Recommended by Amber Jamilla Musser
Author of Sensual Excess: Queer Femininity and Brown Jouissance
“Making a vibrant argument for psychoanalysis’s importance in grappling with our modern racial dramas, Sexuality Beyond Consent weaves together insights from queer theory, performance studies, and critical race theory to explore overwhelm. Saketopoulou’s clear and compelling prose brings together clinical case studies, Laplanche, and Slave Play to arrive at an ethics for dealing with power and difference now―the result is a dazzling, brilliant read.” (from Amazon)
by Avgi Saketopoulou··You?
by Avgi Saketopoulou··You?
Drawing from her extensive psychoanalytic practice and academic role at NYU, Avgi Saketopoulou challenges prevailing ideas about trauma and consent in sexuality. You’ll explore how the book reframes trauma not merely as damage to be healed but as a space where risk and new forms of consent—what she calls "limit consent"—open possibilities for ethical and interpersonal transformation. By examining cultural works like Slave Play alongside psychoanalytic theory and queer of color critique, you gain insight into how sexuality intersects with race and trauma in ways that defy simple victim narratives. This book suits those ready to rethink consent and trauma’s role in desire and social relations rather than seek conventional solutions.
Recommended by Joel Stein
Author and cultural commentator
“The guy who wrote The Game and lived The Game searches for love and learns that it’s way, way harder. And funnier.” (from Amazon)
by Neil Strauss··You?
Neil Strauss, a seasoned journalist and bestselling author, takes you on a candid journey through the complexities of love addiction, sex addiction, and the tangled emotions that shape intimate relationships. Drawing from personal experience and extensive research, he unpacks why many people attract partners who hurt them and explores concepts like love avoidance and enmeshment. You'll gain insight into recognizing unhealthy patterns and understanding emotional wounds that influence dating and commitment. This book suits anyone willing to confront uncomfortable truths about their romantic life and eager to improve their emotional connections.
Recommended by Jennifer Gunter
OB/GYN, NYT contributor, host Jensplaining
“The Vagina Bible did not make the list of sex books recommended by goop (no shocker!). But don’t let their recommendation of Better Sex Throigh Mindfulness dissuade you from @DrLoriBrotto’s amazing book! I recommend it almost daily!!” (from X)
by Lori A. Brotto, Emily Nagoski··You?
by Lori A. Brotto, Emily Nagoski··You?
Lori A. Brotto, a clinical psychologist and sex researcher, draws on decades of experience to tackle a common yet often overlooked problem: women's sexual desire and satisfaction. She breaks down how stress and daily distractions interfere with intimacy and offers mindfulness exercises designed to help you cultivate desire and enhance pleasure. Chapters detail practical techniques, like focusing attention intentionally and overcoming mental barriers, making the book useful whether you face sexual challenges or simply want to deepen connection. If you’re seeking to understand the psychological roots of desire and practical ways to nurture it, this book speaks directly to you.
Recommended by Naval Ravikant
Co-Founder & CEO of AngelList
by Matt Ridley··You?
by Matt Ridley··You?
What happens when evolutionary biology meets human sexuality? Matt Ridley explores this intersection with a detailed examination of how sex evolved across plants and animals and how this shapes our intellect, mate choices, and social behaviors. Drawing on chapters that delve into sexual selection and the genetic arms race, you gain insights into why human nature is so deeply intertwined with reproductive strategies. This book suits anyone curious about the biological roots behind complex social dynamics and sexual behavior, offering a scientific perspective that challenges simplistic views without losing nuance.
Recommended by Jason Jameson
Urologist and men’s health specialist
“Dr. Spitz’s The Penis Book is a valuable resource to patients and providers alike, providing important contemporary insight to penile health as a marker of overall health and other men’s health issues in 2018. Men who read this book will have a new sense of understanding of their body, and women who read the book will appreciate the frank, open discussion of this often misunderstood male anatomy, leading to overall better relations between men and women. As he does on The Doctors show on TV, Dr. Spitz offers straightforward explanations of various male issues and has become one of the leading men’s health experts in America.” (from Amazon)
by Aaron Spitz M.D.··You?
When Aaron Spitz M.D., a urology professor and men's health authority, wrote this book, he aimed to demystify the penis with both scientific rigor and approachable humor. You’ll gain precise insights into everything from anatomy and blood flow to dealing with infections and optimizing health through diet and exercises, notably his holistic five-step plan for penile wellness. The book balances technical information with frank discussions accessible to men and women alike, making it a useful guide whether you're seeking to understand your own body or support a partner. If you want straightforward medical clarity on topics often shrouded in embarrassment, this book offers that without pretense.
Recommended by Caitlin Moran
Screenwriter and literary agent
“@emilyjkenyon @peggyorenstein SUCH an amazing book. Deffo worth saving up for Peggy. Blows your mind on every page.” (from X)
by Peggy Orenstein··You?
Peggy Orenstein's years of exploring gender and sexuality inform this detailed look at young men's experiences navigating today's complex sexual landscape. Through interviews with teens and experts alike, you gain insight into how cultural expectations, media influences, and shifting masculinity norms shape boys' attitudes toward hookups, consent, and intimacy. Chapters dissect topics like pornography's role as informal sex education and the impact of 'locker room talk' on empathy. This book suits anyone seeking to understand or support young men grappling with new definitions of masculinity and relationships, offering a nuanced view without oversimplifying.
Recommended by Tony Robbins
Business and life coach, motivational speaker
by David Deida··You?
What if everything you knew about masculinity and sexuality was wrong? David Deida, drawing from decades of teaching spiritual and sexual growth, challenges conventional views on manhood, relationships, and desire. You’ll explore how to navigate the tensions between work, intimacy, and sexual energy with raw honesty, learning to integrate these often conflicting areas into a coherent life approach. Chapters delve into understanding feminine energy, mastering your purpose, and embracing vulnerability without losing strength. This book suits those seeking deeper self-awareness in their relationships and personal power, though it may not resonate with readers expecting a typical self-help manual.
Recommended by White Feather
Founder of the International Remembrance Academy
“This book fractures our outer shells and takes us deeper into a world of personal, female discoveries. A must-read for every woman!” (from Amazon)
by Michal Cohen Simha··You?
by Michal Cohen Simha··You?
Michal Cohen Simha’s years of experience as a yoga instructor and community activist clearly inform this exploration of female sexuality, which challenges long-standing taboos and invites readers to reclaim a relaxed and empowered relationship with their sexual selves. Through personal stories and exercises drawn from her vulva workshops, you’ll gain insight into the emotional and physical dimensions of sexual freedom, learning to embrace confidence and inspiration in intimate and everyday life. The book’s blend of narrative and practical tips offers a paced journey into self-recognition and reconnecting with sexual energy, suited for anyone seeking to break free from shame and fear. While deeply focused on women’s experiences, its inclusive approach also opens dialogue for men to better understand and support sexual freedom.
Recommended by Richard Schwartz
Developer of Internal Family Systems psychotherapy
“In this comprehensive and practical book, Maci Daye shares hard-earned wisdom from decades of helping couples use their sexual issues as paths to becoming more fully alive, intimate, and erotic. She writes that ‘Great sex is a mind-set, not a skill-set,’ and proves that with a host of engaging case-studies and experiential exercises that will help you find and heal the inner obstacles to great sex.” (from Amazon)
Maci Daye's decades of experience as a licensed counselor and certified sex therapist shape this insightful guide to rekindling intimacy through mindfulness. You learn to navigate common relationship challenges, from mismatched desires to trauma history, using Daye's "naked path" approach that combines exercises and reflections to awaken erotic vitality. The book draws from her international workshops and offers vivid stories of diverse couples, helping you understand how to transform sexual difficulties into deeper connection and growth. If you're seeking more than quick fixes and want to explore authentic presence in your intimate life, this book offers a thoughtful, grounded path.
Recommended by Alexandra Katehakis
Author and sexuality expert
“In this extraordinary new edition, Carnes and Adams compile a trailblazing work on the importance of understanding sexual addiction from all conceivable angles ranging from the impact of early childhood attachment strategies to treatment protocols. Replete with the latest scientific findings, this outstanding work combines research with clinical practice, making this book both a practical and intellectually stimulating guide.” (from Amazon)
by Patrick J. Carnes, Kenneth M. Adams··You?
by Patrick J. Carnes, Kenneth M. Adams··You?
Patrick J. Carnes, whose extensive background in addiction and trauma informs his work, co-authors this updated edition with Kenneth M. Adams to address the evolving challenges of sex addiction treatment. You’ll gain insights into diverse aspects such as childhood attachment influences, trauma intersections, and specialized populations including adolescents and partners. The book offers a compelling blend of clinical methods and recent research, highlighted in chapters on cybersex compulsion and partner counseling. If you’re a clinician or therapist navigating complex sexual compulsions, this text equips you with nuanced approaches, though it’s less suited for casual readers or those outside professional practice.
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Conclusion
Across these 19 expertly recommended books, a few themes emerge clearly: the importance of grounding sexuality in science and evidence, the nuanced interplay between trauma and desire, and the transformative power of mindfulness and self-awareness. Whether you’re confronting personal challenges or simply seeking greater understanding, these works offer both depth and practical guidance.
If you're navigating sexual addiction, books like Going Deeper and Clinical Management of Sex Addiction provide compassionate, research-backed approaches. For those intrigued by biology and evolution, The Red Queen and Phallacy open fascinating perspectives. And if you’re eager to cultivate mindfulness in intimacy, Better Sex Through Mindfulness and Passion and Presence offer thoughtful exercises and insights.
Alternatively, you can create a personalized Sexuality book to bridge the gap between general principles and your specific situation. These books can help you accelerate your learning journey and deepen your understanding of sexuality with expert guidance tailored to your needs.
Frequently Asked Questions
I'm overwhelmed by choice – which book should I start with?
Start with Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski for a science-based foundation on female sexuality, or The End of Gender by Debra Soh for a clear look at gender identity. These provide broad, accessible entry points to complex topics.
Are these books too advanced for someone new to Sexuality?
Not at all. Several, like It's Perfectly Normal, are designed for younger readers or beginners, while others balance scholarly insight with approachable language, making them suitable for most learning levels.
What’s the best order to read these books?
Begin with foundational science and broad perspectives, then explore specialized topics like addiction, mindfulness, or cultural studies. For example, follow The Red Queen with Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction for depth.
Do I really need to read all of these, or can I just pick one?
You can certainly pick based on your interests or challenges. Each book stands alone with valuable insights. However, reading multiple offers a richer, more nuanced understanding of sexuality’s many dimensions.
Which books focus more on theory vs. practical application?
The End of Gender and The Red Queen lean toward theory and research, while Better Sex Through Mindfulness and Passion and Presence provide practical exercises and techniques to enhance your experience.
Can I get personalized guidance if these books don’t fit my specific needs?
Yes! While these expert books offer solid foundations, you can create a personalized Sexuality book tailored to your background and goals, bridging expert knowledge with your unique situation for targeted learning.
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